Well one year has come and gone. We have now experienced all the "firsts", first birthdays, first Christmas, all the first holidays and anniversaries. We made it through and we both sound better.

I got your email yesterday about your health issues. Bad knees, carpal tunnel, overweight. Sounds so normal, especially for you. I hope and pray you continue on this path. There is no other way for you to go now. It's this or nothing.

I don't comment on your desire to see me and Frank because I am not able to see you yet. There is still way too much hurt and anger inside me, too much distrust of your new life. But I do pray that "this too shall pass".

I love you.

Okay so last week you let Frank know you have an email account and we can stay in touch that way. That is less confrontational so I appreciate that. Thank you.

I haven't even tried to send you any message; honestly I had no idea what to say. I don't want to fill an email what my fears and regrets for you. Nor do I want to fill it with my normal life doings. I don't believe either of those is fair to you. The flip side of that however is you wouldn't care if it was fair to me or not. But let's not travel that road tonight.

I didn't sleep a bit last night for knowing that tonight, without fail, I was commited to sending contact to you. Well I did. So it is done. Until the next time.

I am trying to love you without fear.