I think I may sell Jane's piano. Guess there isn't much sense in trying to discuss that with you though. You haven't held ANYTHING close to your heart because it was close to her's. She played beautifully; by ear; didn't even need a sheet of music but could play from that as well. She was brilliant when she sat down at that piano. It's going to break my heart to sell it.

However I have no room for it, don't play that well, don't really have time to practice and I think having that piano will only make me grieve for her more. If that is even possible.

My neighbor leads music worship at his church and has three small children. I have spoken to him about donating to the church but their church meets in a school and cannot use. But he may be interested in buying. I am thinking a very small charge, then that money can go to the funeral home.

Do you remember asking me to leave her sewing machine when I was cleaning out the house? You said you needed to hem some pants. My family begged me to take it considering my sewing business but no I wanted to leave because you asked for it. They said you were a liar and would only sell it for drug money, I KNEW what you would do with it. And you did. Took it to the pawn shop. You must surely be their best customer.

I know you took so many of Mom's tools there over the years and she simply paid for them and took them home. It was a vicious cycle of you stealing, her covering up until I pulled it out of her, then her picking up the stuff and you stealing it again.

I am so thankful I am not you.

Almost Mother's Day

I just wanted to let you know that it's been almost a year; one year on Mother's Day. One year since I last saw Jane.

I went home last Mother's Day just to spend the day with her. Did you know that? Do you care? Does the upcoming Mother's Day mean anything at all to you?

Last year Mom and I went to see her friend, Donna. Donna had cancer and was in the Hospice Center, lunch and some bonding at the mall. Donna passed away that evening and I am so thankful Mom was able to see her, letting her know how much she loved her. Donna felt the same way.

I am praying you are progressing through recovery and learning to be a productive member of society. I don't pray you choose the life I have; I don't care about that. I only care that this time you change your life forever and then find a lifestyle for yourself that doesn't include the things, and people, of your past. This may be your last opportunity. There is no where, no one for you to fall back on, this has to be it. You have always been able to run home, and lean on Mom. You have to learn to stand for yourself, on your own feet, and lean only on God.

I love you.